Throughout my Christian walk I have heard Hebrews 13:4 often quoted in this way, “…the marriage bed is un- defiled”. As a single person I always wondered what that meant. Upon hearing the opinions of others it seems the most popular definition was that within the bond of marriage the couple can do whatever they wanted in bed as long as it was agreed upon by both partners. I remember hearing that and being a little confused and even more concerned. I thought to myself, “you mean you can do ANYTHING and it’s fine as long as you are married and agree mutually? The thought of this really unsettled me.
Recently I was with a friend who is newly married and she and her husband are both Christians. Only after being married she found out that her husband was into pornography and now expects her to act out his desires inspired by the pornographic material. Why is this being expected of her? You guessed it, because of a distorted view of “the marriage bed is un-defiled” along with his demand for her to be a “submissive wife”. Does this surprise you? Do you think I’m out of line for writing such a thing? The bottom line is, this way of thinking is running rampant in the body of Christ and it is wounding precious souls and it is KILLING MARRIAGES! So what’s the solution? (I will use this situation as an example throughout the article).
Let’s look at the word, starting with Hebrews 13:4 in its entirety:
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
So here are a couple of questions I have. What honor is there in bringing pornography into a marriage and going the extra step of expecting one’s spouse to partake of this? Pornography itself is a blatant dishonor of those you are viewing because you are seeing them as “objects” to assist you in fulfilling your lust. How is this honoring to your partner, the covenant you made in marriage, to God? Does this sound harsh? Someone has to say it, not to condemn or to tear down, but in order to expose defiled hearts. Otherwise many will remain in bondage.
Look at Matthew 5:27-28
“You have heard it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Notice the use of the word adultery here and how it’s defined. When one looks at pornography, that person not only has less than honorable intentions, they are looking at that person with lust for them. In sum, to do this is ADULTERY. Now, refer back to the verse in Hebrews. Do we seriously think the heart of God changes towards this sort of behavior within the context of marriage? What’s more, if one partakes of pornography then turns to their spouse expecting them to do the same, then that person is looking at their spouse in lust. Again, this is dishonoring and adulterous in nature.
Let’s also look at Ephesians 5:22-32
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body,[d] of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”[e] 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
When you look at these scriptures you see God’s heart and design for marriage to His Son and to your partner in the natural. The example was a laying down of life; serving one’s partner selflessly. So how could we ever think that this would include this sort of behavior? Do you believe that Jesus would EVER ask his bride to do such things? We are also His body. In 1 Corinthians 6:18 it states that you sin against your own body when you enter into sexual immorality (and this would include your “eye gates” because it is still an entrance into the body). Moreover, when Jesus proposes submission in these verses it is not making allowance for licentiousness where our spouses are concerned. Rather with the act of the cross he models that if the bridegroom would lay his life down, the bride would naturally want to submit. You will never see in the Bible God demanding and forcing submission. No. He has always set before people life and death and was very up front about the consequences of both.
Friends there are many other things I can say about this subject, but I believe my point is made. The example I have chosen to use here is not isolated but it comes in many forms. There may be some of you that can relate to this. Maybe it confirms a few things for you. Maybe, you are angry with me because I have challenged your current belief system. Wherever you stand on this subject know this: I am not saying these things to condemn, but to bring the light of truth unto freedom. This is a belief system straight from the pit of hell and it can no longer be allowed to lie in the darkness unexposed. I know personally how these things can ruin relationships, how it steals from your soul and your body and deadens your spirit. How it keeps you from cleaving to your bridegroom both in the spiritual and the natural. Today is your day of freedom. You do not have to live this lie any longer. Your Bridegroom Jesus Christ laid his life down for you, to give your life, to bring you honor and keep you from evil. (John 10: 10). Don’t allow death to reign in your life any longer. If you will make this one decision today great grace will come upon you and your life will be on the road to drastic transformation in every area. Bless you.